Talk to the Hand, Lower-Earthlings

Naturally competing blogs exploit credulous and foolish labour from the outermost reaches of the body. Here at Substance Laboratories™ we have found that if one has the enormously enviable means to keep up one's payments to the Guild of Professional Alphabetizores then one has access to the very best available six-for-one special deals on professionally designed Aktual Nowns©, with which one may construct automated disembodied hands as one sees fit, both to use in the lab and as home companions. Try it yourself!*



Why then would one even need to make employment offers to light-fingered and pestidigitatious extremetists? NOT EVEN WHY, THAT IS HOW MUCH WHY WE ARE TALKING ABOUT. Globalization merely sets the stage for automization, I said, posing in my smoking jacket as my Magic Mirror™ evaluated the sagacity of all in the land and found me NINTH AND RISING.

With all that established, we are enjoined by the Labour Ministry to announce publicly that all contracted workers now possess the required paperwork, as the workers who were missing the goddamned forms HAVE BEEN FIRED across the Substance Laboratories™ Executive Trap and Skeet Range.

*The thumbs were misaligned in the latest shipment; be assured that top-quality disembodied hands will be available soon.